The Courage to be a Good Friend

I have a wonderful, special friend who if asked to describe herself might fail to mention she is funny, whip smart, poised, giving, fair, wise, and a great decision-maker. She would, however, undoubtedly mention that she is obese.

I had her to dinner with a couple of our other girlfriends recently. We had a fun, fun evening, seasoned with some Katz time, which this special friend delights in. Katz is known for an acidic, witty humor that he uses well with people he likes, and she is quite good at giving it back. The ability to pull that off with someone like Katz can easily go badly; people sometimes take it one step too far, resulting in humor that unintendedly sounds bitter or mean. Katz nods approvingly when anyone can level the playing field, and in such cases, his funny quotient gets turned up a notch, often bordering on brilliant. My friend has that effect on him. All in all, it was great evening.

A couple of days later she told me one of her daughters was looking for her that night. When she told her that she was having dinner with friends, her daughter said in surprise, "But you don't have any friends."

I was offended for her, although she laughed it off, but I've been thinking about it ever since. She's close to her children and her siblings, and this circle of people does seem to be the core of her social group. Yet, she is so delightful I wonder how is it possible that she doesn't have tons of friends?

Not too long after, she admitted she might not follow through on joining me at the gentle yoga class I attend. Her health is not so great, and while she agrees that yoga sounds doable and is just what she needs, she confesses she would be embarrassed to be in a class with someone she knows. Of course, I will not push her or make her feel bad if this is her decision.

In the past, I've thought about asking her if she's ever considered bariatric surgery. For fear of embarrassing her, I've never followed through. And yet, isn't it worse to sit by silently as she endures her health difficulties? And now that I realize there are few outside her family that are lucky enough to be her friend, is it even more important for me to be bold and speak up? I would hate for any harm to come to our relationship, and I dread the thought of hurting her feelings or making her feel self-conscious.

The truth is, this friend does not read my blog or I would probably not be even brave enough to post this entry. Still, should I broach this subject with her? Could I find the courage to do it? And if I don't, am I just taking the easy way out . . . and can I live with that?