Letting Go

Thought you'd like to read a sample of my writing. Not the kind of words you've read in It Was a Cold and Stormy Night . . ., which is assignment-like writing, but a hint of what I've written as I've waded through four plus chapters of my book. I want to be a good writer, clever and literary, so the bar is high and I have no idea if I'm clearing it.

So, let's give this a try. Tell me what you think.

Setup: Police Chief Tom Wexler is on his way to interview a resident of his small town who thinks she has witnessed a crime. She's not the most reliable witness but Tom has a soft spot for her. Here are his thoughts:

She’d had a daddy who’d loved her dearly, a man who had been a storyteller of the first degree, and he’d touched her with the gift of words. Alice Hodgeson’s stories flowed from her mouth and spun color in your mind, and whether the stories were true or imagined, they were a gift.

Truth be told, these are lost words. In the switch from third person to first person, events were rearranged, characters and perspective changed, and this passage was cut. I liked them enough to paste them at the end of the document, just in case they could be resurrected. It's not likely, but I'm having a hard time letting go.

Opinions anyone?