God Grant Me the Serenity . . .

Joe died last week. He was an old friend and a good guy and it was a shock to lose him. It was sudden and unexpected, and he left behind a grieving family and many, many friends.

I loved that the eulogy last night spoke to Joe's commitment to Jane. For Joe, it wasn't just that he loved his wife. Joe and Jane were partners, they were on the same wavelength and the playing field was level; they had a comfortableness with each other that didn't settle into complacency. It wasn't that we saw them together and thought simply, "Joe loves Jane." It was that we saw them together and felt Joe liked Jane . . a lot. Remembering them together, I realized how much they enjoyed being together. You could see that Joe was proud of Jane's zest, her sense of self and humor, her ability to hold her own when up against his unflinching honesty, strong intelligence, and dry wit.

The truth of the matter had never been so clear to me as it was last night at Joe's memorial. He was all in. Lucky couple, them . . .

We lost power during the night and it didn't come back for 8 hours. This threw my whole day off, put me behind, inconvenienced me. When the electricity kicked in and the AC jumped in to high gear--trying to battle the heat and humidity that the 87 degree, moist day forced through the four walls of our home--the AC hose sprung a leak that spit water all over clothes, furniture, food. By the time Katz walked in the back door at 5, I was cranky, cranky, cranky.

Tonight the house is cool, the AC connection has been tended to by Katz, and I had a nice phone conversation with Benjamin, our oldest child. I complained and shared my feelings about the day, about Joe, about the loss of Joe to his family, and as he sympathized, he talked to me about his love of and reliance on the Serenity Prayer. It was very Zen, helped me focus, and made me realize once again what a great young man he is. The conversation also made me realize that not being in control pushes my buttons.

No power, leaks in the basement, and a blown schedule means I lost control, yet tomorrow my day-to-day routine will be back in balance. Jane's balance won't return for a long time.

Integrating the Serenity Prayer into my thought process would make me a better person, and I'm going to work on that. But tonight, I miss Joe and I worry about Jane. Serenity may have to wait another day.